For those of you who set your alarm clocks last night and got an early night in order to huddle outside Selfridges with the rest of the vulchers before 9am, shame on you. May you roast in eternal Primark hell!
For those of you who plan on popping in to grab a bargain on your lunch hour, then in the words of Mr.T "I pity the fool"
I was doing sale prep in the big yellow mental aslym untill 1am last night... 1AM!
High on sugar from consuming a disgusting amount of sugar, we managed to get the job done. The stock room lay bare as every single item was placed on a plastic coat hanger, red penned to the discounted price and carefully placed with similar styles beneath the correct percentage off sign. As far as overprced jumble sales go it looked pretty good. Exhausted we downed tools and waited for our car's home.
Then from the back of the floor we hear high pitched gigling, shreaks and hangers being moved! It was at that point my 'I'm-tired-and-stressed' twitch kicked in. Three heads bobbed over the ugly chrome runner rail jungle that is now the shop floor.
Three VM's had escaped their laborious duties of hanging up signs to shop the sale, at 1AM! Bastards! BACK TO WORK! Their high spirits continued until they reached us at the other end of the floor, faced with five tired and unimpressed faces.
The said how there were no real bargains and nothing very nice worth buying in the sale. Note: Why do you think these items ended up in the 'sale' in the first place? They are either hideous or over priced or both!
It is for these reasons, and a few others I shall not utter, that I ask you to over look the stressful, crowded, time wasting sales of the west end and instead enjoy a day out at the Button Willow Bazaar. The advocate drinking sherry accompanied by cake in the middle of the afternoon. It sounds fucking delightful, pardon my french.
"An old fashioned summer fete with a wonderful array of stalls offering hand made and vintage fayre. Stalls include handmade and affordable... jewelery, bags, illustrations, cards, clothes, children's clothes, homeware, toys, natural beauty products, fudge, chutney, accessories... For your entertainment... Tea, Cake, Bar, Tombola, Guess the weight of the cake, The Portable Photo Booth, Mystic Corner, The Reverand RPM Standish, Buy a kiss from a Miss, Bat the rat, Celebrity Vegetable Competition and much more!"