SHOW ME WHY YOU'RE STRONG

WHAT'S POPPIN?

FASHION FLU

So you're young, single and living in London - ooh lucky you! You pay the highest rent in the UK and live on a diet predominantly made up of coffee and Pret sandwiches. But careful there glamour girl, this is a dangerous time of year for you and your tribe. After the Christmas carb crashing, the January detoxing and all the complimentary champagne that February brings you could be at risk of catching Fashion Flu!

Symptoms
You feel like someone has injected botox up you nose and into your sinuses rather than into your smile lines. Your body feels like it's just endured 7 Zumba classes back to back Your face and neck are swollen making you look like you've had a white bread binge You sound like you chain smoke Vogue menthols

How to look like you have a cold when you actually have flu...

Brush your hair
seriously. I'm not asking you to wash it but just brush it. Yes, it might feel like every single hair follicle is being wrenched from your tender scalp, but right now you look like a troll

Wash
I find that when I'm really ill that power shower I love so much in the morning feels like your being pelted with metal ball bearings. Instead scrub your hands, wash your face and neck and brush your teeth. The teeth one is super important cause your mouth is going to feel like a junkies carpet.

Clothing
There is a temptation to stay in the same pair of pyjamas throughout your whole illness. Comforting but albeit gross. Instead opt for jeggings, leggings or running tights (yoga pant are fine too, I guess. I personally cannot abide them). Pair with a clean t-shirt and your nicest wool, cashmere or fleece back jersey jumper. Thick socks and comfortable shoes, obviously I'm basis and will say put on your freshest trainers. Every time you look down you won't feel so bad. If you have to go outside and face the public pile on a big scarf and a parka jacket. Your cute leather bomber looks great but you have a fever and will end up shaking like an over-bred Chihuahua. The scarf keeps out the chill and hides your swollen neck.

Accessories
By now you should look less loaded with flu and more run down with a cold. Still, we need people to know you don't always look this shit. Try some Kleenex Ultrabalm tissues - has to be ultrabalm, they are more expensive but won't feel like sandpaper on your nose. Lemsip sachets - leave them lying around your kitchen. Pull them out in the coffee shop to add to your 'just a hot water please'. But my favourite has to be a LV flu mask! GO IN HARD!

EVERYTHING

...right now sounds like this.[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/59051244" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

INSIDE OUT

THIS IS AN URGENT APPEAL

Ah, classic! The free-run of the 80's. These Reeboks first hit the tarmac in 1983 and became instantaneously popular within British street wear through to the 90's.

Much loved by geezers, casuals, the beautiful Burberry clad Mike Skinner and, as the Arctic Monkeys would have us believe, chav's not only here but also across the pond. American rapper Soulja Slim adopted these as his preferred footwear of choice causing Reebok's sales to increase dramatically in the New Orleans area. And anyone who rocked gold teeth and a camo bucket hat prior to 2003 knows his shit!

These days though you're more likely to find these gathering dust on the shelves of Sports Direct.

"Has is come to this?" - The Streets

Apparently so, Mike.

With this great travesty fresh in our minds, and pay day merely a fortnight away, I ask you to dig deep into the pockets of those leather sleeved varsity jackets of yours and find 30 quid to get these back on your feet, and back on the streets.

I thank you.

Image by Number Six

WINTER SUN

Mirrored lenses were never on my radar, until now... ...and now I don't know how I ever lived without a pair! www.sunpocketoriginal.com

RISE

I quite like monochrome lounge wear that has random text in obnoxious places. Expect to see more of this type of thing from me.

[OVER]DRESSED TO KILL